Wednesday, July 11, 2012


Once upon a time...not too long ago, it was a bright & sunny Tuesday morning. I usually hit the snooze button about a million times before actually waking-up but the clock read 7:30am. No time to play snooze tag. And so, I woke up rather slowly & slithered out of bed. Walking with one-eyed opened (because I still want to be half-asleep lol) as I always do, I make my way through our long hall way towards the bathroom…one of the few disadvantages of having the master bedroom.

After brushing my teeth and completing the Triple-S…sh*t, shave, shower…I returned to my bedroom. Although it was a bright & sunny day, my room was rather dark courtesy of my black mini-blinds. I played like I was in the army and dropped to my knees, looked underneath the bed and tried to find one of my favorite pairs of brown Kenneth Cole shoes.

After struggling to find them -(I have way too many pairs), I finally got them after stretching my arms like Mister Fantastic all the way towards the center of the bed. (Damn, now I know how Dhalism from Street Fighter feels! lol)


After getting dressed, I speed walked to the train station. Upon arriving at the subway platform, my train arrives and I luckily get a seat. But then I notice this blonde Russian lady staring at my lower torso...I’m thinking, 'Is my fly open? Negative. Do I have a stain?? Nope. Am I poppin’ a um, a woody??? I hoping...can it be? Maybe she likes what she sees? No way! That couldn’t be the case, it’s way too small to even show through the zipper! Lol
So WTF?!
Anyways, I eventually pass-out with my Bose® headphones on and arrive to work at my office in Times Square. I packed-away my iPod and headphones into my briefcase and put-it underneath my desk. And that’s when I noticed…whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aat?! WHY THE F*CK AM I WEARING A BROWN COLORED KENNETH COLE SHOE ON MY LEFT FOOT & A BLACK COLORED KENNETH COLE ON MY RIGHT FOOT?! WTF?!?!?! I don’t know about you but this is downright embarrassing! YA’ HEARD? EMBARASSING?! WTF?!


A part of me was saying, “F*ck that! Who cares!!” but at the same time if the Managing Executive Director saw me in the elevator with two different colored shoes on…he’ll be like, “This n*gga ain’t getting’ promoted, he’s getting’ demoted!!” lol And so, I’m thinking to myself I can’t possibly leave my seat!! Oh my Lord, this is one of thee most embarrassing moments of my whole entire life!!! That or maybe the time I was alone in an elevator and laid one of the smelliest (silent but deadly) farts known to mankind...and thee hottest co-worker I ever worked with walked into the elevator…but that, ladies and gentlemen is a another story.

~The End~

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